awkward teen tuesday

it's my favorite day of the week:

"i felt my brain bounce!"
ummm...you fell out of a chair. your brain may have bounced, but since that's the most activity it has seen in quite some time i suggest you be grateful you have a brain and maybe start treating it better

"i have little boy swag"
you are a teenage girl. this is weird.

"i put my front arms..."
as opposed to your back arms...?


the rest of these are from the same conversation with a single teen. oy vey!

"martin luther junior king...junior martin luther king...martin junior luther king..."
none of those are correct. care to try again?

(in reference to martin luther king jr.) "he's the reason why i can talk whenever i want"
no. he's not. he did a lot of wonderful things, but securing you the right to say stupid things whenever you want is not among them. also, i'm pretty sure he would face palm if he heard you speaking right now.

(also in reference to mlk jr.) "he's the one who saved all the white people"
seriously?! he saved the white people? from what exactly? i would very much like to hear this story, mostly because i'm fairly certain it will be filled with many more of these embarrassing (for you) moments.

"get off my body foot"
i'm just gonna let that one sink in a little bit...

"it amuses me and i don't even know what that word means."
brilliant. please continue using words you don't understand. i'm sure it will really pay off for you in the long run. you actually managed to use this one correctly so who knows?!

"i'm going to eat the blood out of you"
i would ask if you were a vampire, but you said "eat" and vampires "drink" so i'm a little confused. are you intending to let the blood congeal? possibly make blood pudding out of it? well, too bad because you can't have it! i'm still using it

"terry just farted. it smells so bad, it smells like cinnamon buns. he cinnamon bunned on this chair."
i was unaware that "cinnamon bun" could be used as a verb. in all honesty, i'm still laughing at this one...


also, this is my 200th post. i think i will celebrate by eating chocolate