can i mash your life?

remember when this was the most accurate way to predict your future?

i mean the magic 8 ball was cool, but it M.A.S.H. was where you found the answers to the really important questions in life. in a random flashback episode of my life i spent a huge portion of my day telling fortunes like this. i've gotta be honest, if this is how it's gonna turn out, i'm feeling pretty good about my life here. (btw the "s" stands for shack, as in love shack, as in awesome)

how to talk to girls

gave this book to a friend today (not the first time i've done that) who proceeded to share it with everyone he spoke to.

atta boy... we (okay, it was his idea but i fully support it) decided it should be a pass-along book. like, you read it and implement it and then pass it along to some other shmuck who needs a little shove push ushering in the right direction. of course, usher knows what's up. i mean, have you heard any of his songs?

akward teen tuesday

so it's been a few weeks and i know y'all have missed it so awkward teen tuesday is making a triumphal return. yay!

canada...didn't they invent waffles?
nope. definitely not. i have no idea who did (i'm guessing belgium) but it wasn't canada. i'm pretty sure waffles existed before canada did. they may have had a hand in maple syrup though...

falcon chin!
yes, this is a reference to captain falcon. if you don't know who that is i am sad for you...

they should invent chin pads for this
should they? should they really?

is it raining inside or outside?
...

you smoked my ribs!
i don't think you should be smoking anything, much less the ribs of your friend. i'm 87% certain that this puts you on the potential serial killer watch list

he hurteded my foreface
what, exactly, is your foreface? do you mean forehead, maybe? no? alright, whatever

when the ninja turtles first started they were hideous, but now they're HOT!!!
the ninja turtles are hot? the ninja turtles? hot? THEY'RE CARTOON TURTLES!!!!!!!! what is wrong with you?!!

i'm the one with the butt smear
oh, honey, you should probably keep that to yourself. like, forever.

restore your faith in humanity

happy new year friends!!! as we jump into a new year, we look back on the last one and assess the whole thing. 2012 was an interesting year, we survived the end of the world and avoided a zombie apocalypse, experienced some actual tragedy and it would be easy to look back and think "2012 was a bust," but lest we follow that depressing path, here is a fantastic list moments that have the potential to sway your thoughts the other way.

moments that restored our faith in humanity this year