Wednesday, August 22, 2012

dear you, love me

what do i do on my random, mid-week day off? write a dear boys post, obviously.i also did laundry and got a new driver's license, but that's beside the point.

dear bram,
seriously. ask me out already, or stop being so wonderful. either way. but i would prefer that you date me, just fyi.

dear mr. man,
i kind of think you're a jerk. which is sad because you have so much potential to be so great. please get it together and stop being a butthead. for your sake, not mine.

dear mermandy,
i miss you. a lot. and my bracelet broke.

dear maverik,
sorry about the awkward and depressing conversation monday. i promise to be more fun next time.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

champion of champions

first of all, i love the olympics. maybe more than is healthy, but i love them. another time i will regale you with all the reasons why, but for now you only need to know that i do.

second of all, i love my friends. i know, i know, that seems like common sense, but i needed to put it out there.

imagine my pleasure when one of my beloved friends posted this little gem on facebook:

though i'm certain the IOC would recoil at the suggestion, i think we should make this happen.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

honestly, dear

dear hermit
why is it that every time i decide i'm over you, you go and do something gallant and make me change my mind? and why is it that your chivalrous streak always ends almost immediately, but still not fast enough to save me the heartache? stop. it's not fair and i'm not okay with it anymore.
definitely over it.

dear ambiguous
you up and leave town, don't respond to my contacting you and basically don't talk to me for 3 months and then you fb me and we have the lamest conversation in the world. what did you think would happen? i'm sorry, but we can't just pick up where we left off as if nothing has changed. mostly because things have changed. that's how life works.
kind of annoyed

dear stargazer
you have amassed more hero points than anyone else in the history of hero points. why are you so young? and short? pretty sure this is going nowhere, but you may still redeem your hero points. did you think i was going to revoke them? i don't roll like that.
a little disappointed

dear bram
i don't know what to do with the knowledge that you (have) talk(ed) about me with other people. i mean, i talk about you with other people, but that's because i think you should date me. does your conversation mean the same thing? i somehow doubt it, but if that is the case you should just know that i am ready and willing.
a bit confused

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


acronyms are great aren't they? i love 'em. love 'em enough to make up my own. lots. mostly at work. sometimes, i just get tired of saying "that's not club appropriate" so instead i say "NCA." it's quite convenient really.

sometimes, i use an acronym so the kids don't know what i'm talking about. for instance: "GCH." when they ask what it means i simply say "if you don't know, you don't need to."

sometimes, the acronym is created to make something seem more serious than it really is, because that can be funny sometimes. like with "SBS" (soggy bottom syndrome). "don't sit on the couch when you are wet or you will give the next person SBS and that's just not a disease we want to spread."

sometimes, i am forced to invent a new acronym to describe a particular happening for which there are no other words and which i am certain will reoccur. such is the case with the newest addition to my collection. ATC which will henceforth and forever stand for Awkward Teen Conversations.

if you've never spent a significant amount of time with a teenager while not a teenager yourself, you may not grasp the fact that teens are awkward. all the time. i'm not talking about general teen awkwardness. i'm talking about above and beyond the call of duty, stranger than strange, lurpy, super awkwardness. the kind of awkward that makes everyone around them feel awkward. okay, okay, i'll probably use for general awkwardness too. i'm also going to exploit the weirdness and share it with you.

call it cruel, but i just think these things should be shared. i don't want to be the only one making fjun of these kids behind their backs! they'll probably grow out of it anyway.

today's installment of ATC comes to us courtesy of tommy. get used to that name, you'll see it a lot.

tommy (to terry): "i'm going to rip out your beard and take it and touch your sideburns."
terry: ... *confused look to accompany uncomfortable silence

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

dear author

dear bram,
i do not particularly care for your book. however, you have provided a suitable nickname for a certain someone so i thank you.

dear shakespeare,
why did you even write romeo and juliet? genuinely one of my very least favorite literary works of all time. it doesn't help that everybody and their dog thinks it's super romantic. it's not. not at all.


dear tolkien,
i know there are people who will hate me for this, but i've never much cared whether or not people agree with me so i'm just going to put this out there: the hobbit is about a hundred times better than the rest of your books. i'm genuinely looking forward to the movie release.