if only, if only, the woodpecker sighs...

as much as i would like to look like this:

i lack the motivation and, more importantly, the discipline to actually do it (let's maybe try to avoid the bacon themed comments here since this particular post is less about my food issues and more about my aversion to excercise). i was not blessed with a naturally lithe body. nope, i inherited the big boned genes. lucky me. i also inherited a love for food. good food. i don't mean good for you food, i mean food that tastes good.  granted, sometimes these two columns overlap, but not as often as i would like to hope. don't get me wrong, i like vegetables (for the most part) i just like them better when they are covered with cheese. i've said it before and i'll say it again, fat equals flavor.  unfortunately, fat also equals fat. so unfair. the only (feasible) option for me is to exercise. a lot. gross. i hate exercise. more specifically i hate changing into "workout clothes," i hate going to the gym, i hate running more than almost anything else in the world, i hate sweating in places i almost didn't think possible, i hate being out of breath and i hate the way my face gets extremely red about 4 seconds into any sort of physical activity.  basically, the only thing i don't hate about it is the feeling of elation when i'm done. that and the physical results.
if only i could get a body like this:

without first looking like this:

if anybody out there has some miracle solution that does not require diet or exercise, i would really, really love to hear about it since i am lb for lb the laziest excerciser around.