part of me thinks i should just pretend i never made this discovery and that i certainly shouldn't share it with anyone, but then i realized that if i don't, nothing will ever change and i will simply continue in my repulsiveness. is that even a word? spellcheck isn't disagreeing so i'm gonna roll with it. the point is, i'm gross and the atrocities that i just pulled out of the back seat of my car attest to it.
before you scroll down any further, let me just say that i do not, in fact, live in my car. i have an apartment and i typically keep it fairly clean and generally organized. i mean, i live here, okay, and while i'm not perfect i try to keep things liveable. i regularly shunt my hoarding tendencies with a nice binge clean and then live peaceable for a few months before repeating the process. clearly, this attitude does not apply to my car. maybe it's because i don't spend as much time there or maybe it's because i spend too much time there, but i like to think it's because my car is old and ugly and generally unpleasant on the outside, so i tend care far less about how it looks on the inside. see:
poop. brown.
this is the trunk that leaks in the rain
this is where my grandma rear ended me (oops)
this is the door that doesn't close all the way, and the window that doesn't roll down.
i'm telling you, it's only partly my fault. in any case it was OUT. OF. CONTROL!
so here it is, in all it's awful glory, the contents of the back seat of my car (brace yourselves):
okay, so the trash bag was empty when i pulled it out of the car (yes, there was a box of trash bags in my car. you never know when you might need to clean something up or dispose of a body...), but i definitely filled it right on up with refuse from the backseat.
turns out, my car is super spacious. the most interesting finds?
these car keys that don't belong to me
about a hundred jingle bells
supplies for an impromptu game night
handcuffs (for the body before it's dead...)
at least i won't starve if i'm ever stranded in the middle of nowhere (like if i run out of gas after dumping the body)
also- 6 ugly Christmas sweaters, about 12 boxes of valentines, a tennis racket, various dishes, 3 textbooks i never got around to selling back, 2 pairs of socks, a t-shirt i've been searching out for the past year, 2 coats and a snuggie (definitely not freezing while stranded), 3 inner tubes (????), aluminum foil (to pack up any leftovers i might have while stranded), and 9 seed packets (so i can grow food to eat while stranded).
i told you. i'm a disgusting slob and now you all know it. the good news is, i am determined to change my ways. please, if any of you see me regressing, please remind me of this occasion and knock some sense into me. use force if necessary. not too much though, i will fight back if i feel threatened.
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