dasher, dancer, prancer...

...and lindsay. wait, that's not right. have you ever seen the movie prancer? it's one of my faves. especially this part (don't watch the whole clip, just the first minute and a half or so)

first of all, i think they probably should have just cast me in the movie. i could have totally played the part! as long as i can remember people have said that i remind them of that girl. not the cute blonde one who goes on to star in jurassic park, the other one. the brunette with crooked teeth and pigtails. you know, the one singing at the top of her lungs? yep. that's me. i used to get upset when people (my parents) made the comparison. but now that i realize how true it is, all i can say is that i got gypped out of a career as a child actor who fell off the face of the earth and then attempted a comeback by launching a reality show. i could've been really good at that!

as it turns out, the blonde has a pretty impressive set of pipes too. see can scream like nobody's business

DANGERBALL!!!

remember when i told you we invented a new game at work? well, i managed to convince my kids to let me post the rules. they are very protective of their intellectual property. good for them. at their request i have omitted a few rules. we can't give everything away...

DANGERBALL

the first rule of dangerball is...you don not talk about dangerball!

the second rule of dangerball is...YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT DANGERBALL!!!

sorry guys, that's all i'm allowed to say.

when pigs take wing

hurry! go check outside! do you see them flying? no? are you sure? i thought for certain they would since i broke down and finally read the harry potter series. all seven books in 2 1/2 weeks. turns out, they're not awful. as a matter of fact, i actually really enjoyed them. i even cried. a couple of times. per book. well, not every book, but the last 4. i wept most of the way through the last one. i can't help it. i'm getting more emotional in my old age. don't judge me! honestly, i don't know why i waited so long to read these little gems, i should've done it sooner. the good news is, i can now watch the movies and i don't have to wait for the next one to come out.

have i mentioned...

...that autumn is my favorite season? people always want to know why and i always want to know why it isn't everybody's favorite. why? WHY? this is why:

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
-George Eliot

comments

first of all, let me just say that i love getting comments. makes my day. however, i'm never really sure what to do with them after i read them. how do you respond to comments left on your blog? it's not like people come back to see them later. suggestions?

10 things i love about you

or rather, 10 things i love that everyone else seems to hate/won't admit that they like. and by everyone, i mean most of my friends.

1. ballet. it's so beautiful and elegant and lovely.
2. musicals. there are few things in this world that a good show tune won't improve
3. tetris. as far as video games go, i generally suck and thus don't enjoy the game. but i am a tetris master.
4. pbs. informative, interesting, and commercial free.
5. tall women who wear high heels. like me. just embrace your height ladies!
6. shakespeare.
7. vacuuming. it's soothing.
8. naps. yeah, i'm kind of old. what of it?!
9. crossword puzzles. i don't want alzheimer's. so there.
10. bon fires. okay, none of my friends hate these, but i like them more than everyone else

10 things i hate about you...

...or rather, 10 things i hate that everyone else seems to really like

1. ranch dressing. it's gross and i really don't understand how people can put it on their pizza (or anything else)
2. celine dion. her music anyway. i don't know her well enough to hate her as a person
3. reality tv. why would i want to watch your life when i could be living mine?
4. oreo cookies. actually, the cookie isn't that bad, but i hate the cream
5. cats. not only do i hate them, i'm actually quite scared of them. in fact, i'm pretty sure they're out to get me
6. cartoons for adults. i think they're dumb and really NOT funny
7. scary movies. i either get totally freaked out and can't sleep, or i laugh at how stupid they are.
8. twilight. i read the first four pages of the book, decided it was crap and that was the end of it.
9. showering. i do it because it would be gross not to. file them under "necessary evil"
10. roses. i don't like the way they look or the way they smell

happy haunting

maybe it's just me, but did anyone else have a really hard time selecting a halloween costume this year? my dilemma was mostly a result of the epic awesomeness of last year's costume. how to do top this?

not possible!!! well, i put it off so long that i was forced to recycle a past costume. i made this one a few years ago:

too bad most of the kids had no idea what i was supposed to be.

every halloween we have a party/carnival herat work. since that holds little to no appeal for my teens, we put on a haunted house for the younger kids to enjoy. our goal (or rather, the teens' goal) is to have at least 5 kids get too scared to finish and have at least one crier. i'm not so sure how i feel about that, but i suppose it is a good measure of success for a haunted house. i mean, if no one is scared you're doing it wrong.

this year we built a fairly elaborate maze out of cardboard boxes with vignets in wide open areas. the maze itself is totally enclosed and basically pitch black while the haunted portions are lit solely by a single red light in the middle of the room. it's actually pretty creepy. i went through this year and i jumped at least once, which is sad since i helped build the thing and i positioned the scarers so i should have know exactly what to expect. i'm kind of disappointed with myself, but extremely proud of my kids and their haunting ability.

after the maze closed, we had to strike the set. and by that i mean complete and utter destruction of the maze. it was kind of my favorite part :)



and then my boss got in on the action (she's the one with the fantastic mad hatter costume)

all by myself

sometimes, when i'm alone (which is a lot), i talk to myself. don't judge, you do it too! the thing is, i always have a british accent during these unilateral discussions. maybe i just watch too much bbc

very pinteresting...

are you on pinterest? you should be. it's kind of fantastic. i might be little bit addicted/obsessed, but it's all the sister's fault. she got me hooked! blame her! blame her! anyway, if you're on let me know so i can cyber snoop you, but not in a creepy way. just pretend you're famous. people are always getting nosy with celebrities...

help me, obi-wan kenobi; you're my only hope!

they say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. well, i have a problem. and it's not gummy bears. (sidenote: i found gummy pumpkins at the store the other day. LOVE!) no, no, my problem is much bigger than that. much more sinister. i'm a little nervous to tell you about it. maybe i'll just keep it to myself a bit longer. or maybe forever. okay, okay. i'll tell you. but you can't tell anyone. okay? alright. here it is. my dirty little secret...

i
am
a
crafter

there i said it. i'm a crafter. what's worng with crafting? nothing. not inherently. but i went to school for 6 years to earn a degree in fine arts. so what? SO WHAT!? SO, ARTISTS ARE SNOBS!!! it's true. and i'm allowed to say it because i am one. we spend inordinate amounts of time studying and dissecting the art of others. we think we know what art is (we don't, by the way, but we'll never admit it). we make a distinction between art and craft. art is art and craft is not art! and here i am, an artist who crafts. do you see my dilemma? no? NO?! oh dear. well, in that case, i suppose i should just give in and come to dark side. after all, they have cookies. really cute, decorated cookies.

image borrowed from starwarsblog.starwars.com

redneck summer

yes, yes, i know it's november. i'm a little behind, but i promised you some posts and posts you will get.

you've read all about the porcupine races and the logging olympics, and now you get to read all about my other adventures. alright, one other adventure. not too far from my house (as in i can hear it from my house) lives the meridian speedway. each year, they host the night of destruction. that's right, an entire night devoted to the destruction of stuff. big stuff. like cars. what's that you say? sounds pretty awesome? you're right it is.
 one might even call it epic. don't believe me? you should know better, but i'll provide proof anyway.

to start off the festivities, they hoisted a car up a crane

 and then they dropped it onto another car

totally worth it

then they used the flame from a jet car to light another car on fire

 nice and toasty

look at that perfect smoke ring!

there was some other stuff too, but i was too distracted to get pictures. but don't worry, i (poorly) filmed the main event. speaking of the main event...BEHOLD, THE BOAT RACES. this is not the boat race you think it is. there are no jet boats involved. ever. drivers scrounge up a boat from who knows where and they attach it to their vehicle with a chain. then the track is watered down and the drivers drag their boats around whilst attempting to smash the heck out of everyone else's boats. last man standing wins. by last man standing i mean the last driver who has managed to keep any fragment of his/her boat attached to their vehicle. it looks a little like this:

i love my hometown!

oh, bother...

i am sooo far behind here! prepare yourselves (all 2 of you) to be inundated with blog posts from little ol' me. i have at least 7 half written right now and i promise to finish them ALL by the end of the week. promise. for real.

today is the day

that i cave and turn the heater on for the first time. my toes are freezing!!!

should be sleeping...

...but instead i am watching pbs and eating beef stew. i know you don't care, but putting it here makes me feel more productive.

i am not dead!

i am, however, waiting for a new (and hopefully fully functioning) modem which will allow for more frequent posting. in the meantime, you get to read this. i know i promised dangerball details, but i'm easily distracted and and this instance is no exception. instead, i just want to point out that i love this time of year. i really love that it has been raining nearly all day. i really, really love the smell left after it has been raining. i really, really, really love that my apartment finally looks, and smells like autumn. i hope you are enjoying this season as much as i am.


p.s. i really will finish the dangerball post soon...ish...

just so you know...

my kids and i invented a game called dangerball at work today and it is EPIC!!!! we're still tweaking it a bit, but stay tuned for specifics on how to play...

movin' on up

i'm moving to my own apartment this week. i'm a little nervous. i've never lived alone before, and while i'm excited at the prospect of having my own space and really being on my own, i don't know if i'm ready. i'm not sure anyone can ever really know until they do it. so i'm going for it and i'll soon find out if i am up to it. what do you think? do i look ready?

"I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."

i have an intense and inexplicable love for school supplies. i get weirdly excited every fall when they go on sale. just the other day i bought 3 boxes of pencils (i find it oddly comforting to sharpen them), new crayons, markers, colored pencils and a multi-pack of big pink erasers. i think i'll go back and buy some notebooks and lined paper, because i do things like that.

go ninja! go ninja! go!!!

i never thought i would say it, but vanilla ice got it right! there has been an ongoing debate as to whether or not pirates are better than ninjas (definitely not) and we decided to settle it once and for all with pirate vs ninja day at work. this is a rare sighting wherein the pirate and ninja pose amicably, little does he know, the ninja is about to turn on him with an arsenal of throwing stars and kick-a martial arts moves!!!

"a man without a mustache is like a cup of tea without sugar"

but what about a woman, or a child? whoever wrote this english proverb clearly did not forsee the events taking place at my job on monday. mustache monday to be more specific. my teens and i (mostly me) decided that one dress up day a week just wasn't enough, so we added one. stay tuned for wacky wednesday...

“for most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.” gloria borger

for me, good news, is GREAT! i got some great news this week and i really wanted to share it with all of my peeps, that's you. and since you're my peeps, i hope you think this is great news too.

are you ready to be wowed?

i got a promotion. i have an official title. i get benefits, and a raise. i even get business cards, and somehow, that's the most exciting part. i'm kinda weird like that.

you may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

you thought i was done telling you about the fourth of july, didn't you. wrong. what can i say it was an action packed day? but i promise this is the last post until next year. promise, promise.
we came home from council just in time (okay, with plenty of time) to join in on some good old fashioned fireworks displays.

 "You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."
Erma Bombeck

2 legit 2 quit!!!

friday was "blast from the past day" at work and, being the coolest and most fantastic staff at the club (one of my kids told me that), i showed up in the coolest and most fantastic costume. which i wore all day. awesome much?

p.s. can you believe that kid is one of my teens?!! they're so SO SMALL!!! (or maybe i'm just a giant)

TIMBER!!!!

well, now that you're clear on how a porcupine race goes down, let me fill you in on what happens after the 'pines go back to the wild. the loggers get their day in the sun. i'm guessing they actually spend quite a lot of time in the sun, but this time, people are watching. the logging skills show consists of 3 events, but i don't know the names of any of them. gimme a break, i'm not a logger! the world class advertisement looks a little something like this:

the first skill has something to do with throwing a choke around a bunch of logs on a semi. it's all timed and stuff, fastest wins.

i did not find this particular event especially exciting. neither did the booger.

the next event was chopping wood. no. not chopping. sawing. yeah, that's the word for it. not just sawing, CHAINsawing. is that a word? chainsawing? is now. call me old fashioned, but i think chainsaws are cheating. sure, they're faster than hand saws, but i was kinda hoping to see some old school, two way, double sawing (i don't think that's what it's really called). beggars can't be choosers though, so i'll take what i can get.

the third event was axe throwing. yep. AXE THROWING! people actually throw axes. who knew? i am just now realizing that this is likely not an entirely useful skill and i sincerely doubt that loggers find it necessary to throw an axe on a regular basis, but it was kinda fun to watch, especially since most of the competitors had consumed a fair amount of beer by the time they stepped up to the plate. yes, i said plate, but what i meant was fluorescent green spray painted 2x4. what are they throwing at? this:

i kid! i kid! this is serious business!

for realsies though...

then they have an obstacle course for the future loggers of america. wait, do you think that's a real organization? i'm looking it up. i'll get back to you on that...

sounds of summer

i can't believe it has taken me so long to put this together, but i have FINALLY compiled my summer playlist. this one isn't so much summer themed as it is full of the songs i'll be listening to all summer. some new obsessions, some old favorites, and some totally influenced by my job (i'll bet you can guess which ones...). at any rate, they are all playing on my ipod daily and i don't care who knows!


1. the sound of sunshine by michael franti and spearhead
    because it sounds like summer
2. you always make me smile by kyle andrews
    because this song makes me smile
3. modern nature by sondre lurche (sawn-dray lurk-ay)
    because i like to say this dude's name
4. price tag by jessie j
    because she just wanna make the world dance
5. tonight tonight by hot chelle rae
    because it's my party and i'll dance if i want to
6. am i the only one? by dierks bentley
    because every party has a pooper, but it ain't dierks!
7. party rock anthem by lmfao
    because i hear this song 15 times a day and i don't hate it yet
8. barefoot blue jean night by jake owen
    because summer is all about barefoot, blue jean nights
9. say you like me by we the kings
    because life would be so much easier if you would just say you like me
10. lip gloss by lil mama
    because there are people who didn't believe this song existed and i am not okay with that!
11. pretty girl rock by keri hilson
    because confidence goes a LONG way
12. i hate boys by christina aguilerra
    because i do
13. water by brad paisley
    because it pretty much encompases what i love about summer and because i love brad paisley
14. barbara streisand by duck sauce
    because it's fun and that is what summer is all about
15. blow away by a fine frenzy
    because. just because.
16. lover lover by jerrod niemann
    because it's a great song for driving country roads in the middle of nowhere
17. count on me by bruno mars
    because it's sweet, but not sickeningly so
18. who says by selena gomez
    because i like to sing along to it. don't judge me.
19. bright lights bigger city by cee lo
    because i love cee lo, but i'm getting bored with "forget you"
20. somebody to love by justin bieber
    because i've been spending too much time with maren ;)

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

yankee doodle day at work. yes, i get paid to make a fool of myself and dress like an idiot. don't be jealous.

i thought i had this one in the bag. i mean, what's more patriotic than the statue of liberty (never mind that it was a gift from france, that's irrelevant)? the AMERICAN FLAG that's what.

my plans for domination have been thwarted once again...

"i thought: this is not racing, it's a suicide mission."

and when you're racing porcupines, it might be!
in celebration of nation's independence, dad, booger and i made a little trip to council, idaho to witness the 41st annual world championship porcupine races. yeah, that's a real thing. and they don't just race pines (that's what we seasoned veteran's call them) they parade them around town. pretty much awesome. then, they follow the races up with a logging skills competition, arm wrestling contest and classic small town awesomeness. find this hard to believe? well, don't you worry your pretty little head, i wouldn't dare have such an epic experience without documenting the whole thing. with 2 cameras even. you're welcome.

 first you gotta get the little buggers into a trash can

which is more difficult than it sounds

i think he looks pretty comfortable down there...

once he's in there, you line 'em up on the starting line (where else?)

it's okay if you want to double check and make sure he's still in there

ready...set...GO!!!

use your trash can and broom to coax him in the right direction and try not to get caught in the corner

cross the finish line first and you win!!!

get your picture taken with the winner*...

then raid the course and pick up quills shed by the 'pines, you know, as souvenirs

*may or may not have been the winner, they all look the same